“Time is healer”
“You’ll feel better with time”
How often do we say or hear these statements, I know I hear them said a lot, usually by someone who cares and is simple trying soothe and help.
I do wonder, having experienced the loss of an important person in my life and feeling my own experience of ‘grief’, whether time actually does ‘lessen’ the felt pain – and indeed – ‘heal’.
In those early days of the loss of my Grandad I would connect with the pain left behind when he passed over often… Four years on and I connect with my grief less, but when I do it can feel as painful and as intense as it did at the time of his passing… So, my question – Does time really help the pain? I would say… No it doesn’t… but with time you start to fill your life with things that stop you from connecting so often with that grief – I believe that grief is something we hold on to and carry around for the rest of our earthly life.
I am a spiritual person and feel my Grandad is still around me – I have been given evidence to confirm this belief too. But even with this wonderful comfort that he still lives, I find my grief hard to bear at times. Maybe it’s my Love for him that has nowhere physical to go that causes this…
I do believe that Love is an Energy – and energy can never die! I also believe that we have the innate need to share love with the ‘loved’ being or thing. Maybe the reason the pain never seems to lessen in its intensity, for me, is because my love has nowhere to go, physically, on this earthly vibration. I know that I can send this love out spiritually with the comfort that Grandad will receive it and visa versa, BUT I think that the inability to share the physical Love energy is what creates much of the pain I feel in those times of grief. My Love is struggling with nowhere to go…
These are my thoughts anyway… feel free to share yours…
Blessings – Donna x
I agree with Donna, there is no where to place the physical love. That connection is the thing that causes all of the pain. I have lost my son last October and miss the hugs and smiles. I am also very spiritual and know our special bond cannot be broken. I just wish I could skype him-wish he could tell me what he feels and what it is like there.We have no real concept of it. I think often what is he doing now. Great to share. God bless you. Andrea x
21 months today my beautiful daughter passed away. I was blessed to be with her at that moment. The pain has not gone. In many ways it has deepened more to my core. At first I could share and express but now it is not something others want to hear. In many ways I feel more guilt by even being seen as depressed. So I become a more reclusive person. I exist day by day. I have searched for beliefs and experiences to give me hope that I will see her and hold her again. I will keep searching. I even think as I write this if I should express as I am….
I’m sorry to hear of your struggle, “Dad”… you are not alone in your feelings. What a wonderful experience you must have had with your daughter. Don’t hold back, don’t let your light fade. She wouldn’t want that to be your solution, would she? Maybe there’s a daughter who doesn’t have a father, or a great relationship and could benefit from your friendship, maybe as a coach, a good neighbor, maybe someone you work with you can be a good mentor and as you “live for the living”, may you find ways to make your forever daughter proud of you.. and I pray it gives you comfort, if you can. Peace to you.
That depends on the individual. Generally it pain lessens but does not completely disappear and over “Time” can transmute to a loving understanding or acceptance and even both. This usually requires therapeutic modalities by the person on themselves or through third parties.
Lovely Donna. I share your pain everyone tells me how wonderful I am and what an inspiration I am to everyone but there is a part of me they don’t see when I close my door that’s when I cry and that when I talk to Mavis about my day and how I feel and I know she listens. When the sad times come to you and you need to talk I am here. I don’t have all the answers but I will listen and sometimes that is probably all you need
After I lost my wife Mavis one thing I learned from being with others and hearing about their loss was that there is no Handbook for grief. The amount of time it lasts is different for everyone for some it’s only months for others it’s many, many years sometimes, and how you deal with it is an individual thing it is about what works for you and no two people are the same as I say there is no Handbook but talking helps I have found and people talk to me about how they feel and I know it helps them.Someone said to me recently “What I sometimes need is someone to cuddle me and to feel the warmth of someone else’s body close to me but I want nothing more than that” if that works for you or you know someone it will work for then go for it. I know it helps to know that Mavis is always with me and talks to me and I talk to her and I really do believe that one day we will stand side by side and hold hands together once more, that works for me but sometimes I do just need a good friend who is just there for me and asked nothing in return. That is a true friend and fortunately I some like that and they know who they are and it is like an exclusive club that only the very special friends can join